Dear (uh… yeah… I don’t know your name yet, sorry!),
How’s it going man? How have things been? I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch sooner, I’ve been real busy with school and stuff… I’m sure you understand.
Anyway, I’m your dad. You can call me dad or father or whatever you want really… I’m pretty easy going. I’m getting excited about meeting you. I hope you feel the same. I really want you to like me… please like me!
So I want to keep this short, mostly because I know you can’t read yet and I’m still trying to figure out how to get this letter to you in the first place (you don’t have internet service in there do you?). Basically, I just want to tell you a little about myself and give you some fatherly advice.
First of all, I read somewhere that it costs about $400,000 to raise a child through his college years. I want you to stop and think about how much awesome stuff I could buy with $400,000 dollars… that’s a lot of money! Now, obviously I made the decision that you would be worth more to me than all that stuff, and also that I would commit myself to providing that upbringing for you. I want you to know that I’m working on it. Now, when you first meet me, you’ll probably think that I’m some kind of joke. Your first thought may be, “Where’s this dude going to get the $400,000 to raise me?” I might work some pretty crappy jobs right now, but I promise that I’ll finish school and get a real job as soon as I can, ok?
Not only will I try to provide you with all the diapers and toys that you need, but I’ll also be here for you whenever you are in need of my great knowledge and wisdom. You might not realize this until you are much older, but I really do know everything! At least that’s how it has worked out with my parents. I’m just giving you a heads up.
Your Mom and I think you deserve everything this world has to offer and I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything I can to give it to you. All I ask of you in return is that you work hard and that you always be nice to your Mother. Pretty simple right?
Well, I think you’ll really enjoy life. Just take it slow… day by day, one step at a time (yeah, I’m sorry, I know you haven’t learned to walk yet either). It might get scary sometimes, but I’ll always be here to comfort you, I promise!
So I guess I’ll see you in just a few months! To tell you the truth, I’m probably just as nervous as you are! Go easy on me ok?! Take care in there!
Love, your Dad